What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

True - how I loved my mum!

Do you know what she said mum?

How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

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So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Do people really have sex with animals?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What do you mean son?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

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What! how could you do that?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”